I don't know...having political events in the house of the Lord may not always be a good thing to do. Oh sure, some people might feel less inclined to tell a lie in the presence of God but there are those who will lie before God, to God, and about God. Now, ain't that the truth? Don't get me wrong, I'm not accusing anyone of outright lying at last night's Penn Branch Civic Association forum hosting Ward 7 Council candidates (only the Lord knows) but if the process included an onsite polygraph test with a penalty of perjury, somebody might have been standing in front of a judge uttering, "Guilty as charged, your honor!"
That aside, EM-BARRASSING! It's mighty EM-BAR-RAS-SING! to get beat down right on the front steps of your house and when all of your family are home. Who does that? There are weapons of mass destruction inside every home but yet, not even the family dog charged out to bite so much an ankle for CM Yvette Alexander. I feel sad for her, who after Tuesday's forum, is probably nursing a couple of black eyes, swollen lips, bruised jawbones, fractured ribcage, and a cracked tailbone. While Alexander put up a darn good fight, her opponents' flying fists of fury seemingly dazed and tased her unmercifully. She often proclaims, God is the center of her life but she should have called him to the center of that boxing ring while she was getting George Foreman'd at the altar.
The first ice-breaking blow came from former candidate, Monica Johnson, who while appearing a tad bit upset, stated she was not prepared to run "without my job," and disclosed she was forced out of the race for violation of the Hatch Act. News flash! Ms. Johnson, Hatch Act notwithstanding, you weren't prepared to run 'with' your job! Now, in the immortal words of Ray Charles, "Hit the road, Jack! And, don't you come back! No more! She also said she was not endorsing anyone in the race but if she were, "It would not be Ms. Yvette Alexander!" Aw! Sucker-punch exit.
During opening remarks, Kevin B. Chavous (W7's Gil Scott Heron) said, "A revolution is coming." Dorothy Douglas added, "We're losing hope." Ron Moten, "I will not let you down!" Alexander, daughter of Ward 7, cited all of the work 'we' (meaning she and we) did together. Okayyyy! Did I/we miss something? She asserted the glass is not half empty as some folk think, rather it is half full. Tell me, please somebody, what is a glass half full but half empty? All we've gotten is skim, 2%, fat free, or reduced fat - Councilwoman, when are we going to get a full glass of whole milk?
When the clock ran out on Republican Don Folden, who complained folk still can't get a job or go into business, he vowed, "I'll be back!" He always does.Tom Brown, the prophetic 7th candidate to open, cleared the putrid air of rumors swirling about his 9 children and his place of residence in Ward 7. Brown, who has owned a home in River Terrace even while living in Ward 8, returned to Ward 7 after a terrorizing home invasion by an intruder who staged a gunfight with police while Brown's family was barricaded in their home. The defendant was sentenced Tuesday in court. As for all those 'chilren', they are all his - by birth, adoption, and marriage and every one of them are productive, college-bound or educated. It seems fair to believe Father really does know best and has done quite well too.
Not doubt Tuesday can be designated a day of service. Although the PBCCA, through Moderator Laura Richards, only posed three featherweight questions and allocated time for each candidate to address any personal attack made against him/her, it is unclear whether the Association knew it had just become unwitting waitstaff in the serving up and dishing of Yvette Alexander. For any of you expecting my routine blow-by-blow of the forums I attend, please be advised the menu has changed and Tuesday's special boasted of an entree' flavored with salty soundbites, spicy elbows of innuendos bedded under family-styled, cholesteric morsels of roasted Alexander au gratin. Dessert, a new addition to the menu, was a delectable, process-served scrumptious subpoena simply to lie for, prepared especially by the US Attorney's office.
While the candidates were partaking (or taking apart) the main meal, a self-serving buffet was opened to accommodate some very answers-starved audience members. Highlighting the warming station were Alexander's meager legislative record, the stalling of Betty Noel's nomination, major campaign donor, Jeff Thompson, Ward 7's education plan, and Alexander's most recent $18,000 campaign contribution from, A&R, an affiliate of Walmart which employs Alexander's attorney, David Wilmot and treasurer, Derek Ford and perhaps, now has her on its dole. Needless to say, this buffet offered the true ingredients and recipe for a digestive campaign disaster. Somebody is going to need Rolaids, Pepto Bismol, Imodium AD, and a double dose of Milk of Magnesium.
After Kingman Park's Veronica Raglin sank her teeth into Alexander's legislative record, the Councilmember belched she stands on her record. Chavous, digging in, remarked Alexander introduced no major bills although she did close a few alleys. Douglas relishing the accomplishments of former Mayor Anthony Williams and others, said those developments were already in the making, "So, she didn't even close alleys!" If perchance, Alexander was standing on that record, she quickly fell like a flopped chocolate souffle'.
Phil Hammond also tossed Alexander's salad when he grilled her about sitting on Betty Noel's nomination by Mayor Gray to the Public Service Commission for well over a year. I'm not saying we're the Top Chefs in Ward 7 but Jackie and I've been turning the fire up under that slow cooker for awhile and now, it's finally coming to a boil.
When an unidentified resident asked, "How will your campaign distance itself from Jeffrey Thompson?" Alexander called Thompson, "a great guy." It's pretty safe to say, she won't be getting off that gravy train anytime soon. Alexander also once made her bread and butter as an employee of Chartered Healthcare, an insurance company owned by Thompson. Question is, will Alexander still boast if Thompson becomes political toast?
Another resident asked if there was a real education plan for Ward 7 on the menu a
nd Alexander said she had put in an order for smaller class sizes and longer school hours with a side of pressure on parents to be more actively engaged. How ironic! On April 3, I suggest the parents demand a change of menu while putting pressure on the councilmember now to become more actively engaged. Approximately 10 Ward 7 schools are targeted for closing and nobody is chewing out DCPS' Chancellor Kaya Henderson. How 'bout that?!
As soon as Capitol View resident, Ronnie Streff stepped up to the mike, he closed down the buffet and opened up Alexander's March 10 campaign finance report. Ooh, I thought to myself, this is going to be finger-licking good! Lines 21-35 shows one-third of Alexander campaign intake came from A&R, an affiliate of Walmart which is negotiating the East Capitol store. When Streff revealed that secret ingredient, Alexander's blood pressure soared, her arteries hardened, and her jaws got tight. Suddenly she suffered a bad case of acid reflux and couldn't swallow another moment of Streff. Man, a chunky stew is good eating! The former company slogan for Walmart was - Always Low Prices. Except during election cycles. Then you'll see why we're really a big-box store. Didn't Council just pass ethics reform? I'm almost certain conflict of interest and influence peddling were on the list of unhealthy items to avoid at 'all' costs. That's like talking with food in your mouth. Slurping or burping at the table. You know you don't do that! I pray those contributions weren't bundled in sequentialed money orders. That may very well constipate her campaign and Alexander won't be running for nothing!
If Alexander thought this race was going to be a cake walk, she may end up with egg on her face and eating humble pie. For nearly six years, she's been feeding at the public's trough, drinking her own Koolaid and becoming bloated, fat and full of herself but this time, she may have bitten off more than she can chew. While we still let her bring home the bacon, she was living high off the hog. Though cherry-picked, she could have been the apple of our eye if only she knew her onions. Not perfect, I never really, truly, sincerely thought Alexander to be a bad apple yet somehow a worm invaded her and spoiled that ripe fruit. I refuse to cry over spilled milk 'cause the proof is in the pudding and talk don't cook rice. Councilwoman, you've been promising us a full course meal but you couldn't even make us omelettes because you were too lazy to break any eggs.
Now, that the grits are about to hit the fan, butter melts in your mouth and you spit sugar every time you talk. I'm inclined to believe as Tom Brown said, "If it hasn't happened in five years, it won't in the next four!"
CM Alexander, you've been served!!!
I wish we were so lucky!